Integrative Counseling for Trauma

Twenty-five years ago, I was brutally assaulted by a man whom I did not know. I was blinded by a head injury and endured severe physical disabilities. I used a white cane and a walker and rode in the van to medical appointments with other disabled folks. I learned a lot about trauma, PTSD, pain, isolation, dysregulated emotions and hopelessness. Thankfully, I also learned how to regain a sense of safety within myself assisted by a team of Neurologists and Physicians, Yoga Therapists, an iRest Yoga Nidra Meditation Master, a Shaman, Psychotherapists, an old-school Pilates Master, and a Women's Olympic Team PT. I reclaimed a connection to my body, mind, emotions and spirit.

So yes, I have experienced the efficacy of multiple healing modalities for PTSD and am dedicated to counseling women through trauma utilizing my background of over 30 years in Clinical Psychology and 15 years experience with Integrative Yoga Therapy, Restorative Yoga Nidra Meditation and Crystal Bowl Sound Healing.

Trauma disconnects us from ourselves, our social and intimate relationships, and from experiencing harmony with the world around us. But as recent neuroscience reveals, we can “rewire” our brains and lay down new neural pathways to heal through trauma.

If you suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), you might, or might not know it. Perhaps, like many of my clients, you have minimized or buried your life’s traumatic events and think that you are suffering with depression or anxiety. You might be self-medicating with alcohol and other substances to numb the effects of PTSD or use work as a distraction from feeling. Instead of seeking gentle, contemplative activities such as yoga or meditation to compassionately connect with yourself, you may always opt for fierce gym workouts or running.

You may be suffering a range of debilitating symptoms: Flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, difficulty sleeping, holding your breath, clenching your jaws, dysregulated emotions and constantly being “on alert.” You may feel angry, anxious or detached. You might be avoiding people, places or activities to mitigate triggers. Unaddressed childhood experiences, prolonged invalidation, prolonged ongoing stressors in your workplace or relationship, or isolation due to COVID can all be traumatic. You may be stuck in the relentless Sympathetic Nervous System’s cycle of adrenaline-fueled reactions: Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn.

Healing The Cycle: Living with PTSD is extremely difficult. I can support you to experience and learn mindful techniques, breathwork exercises, grounding bodily awareness and cognitive approaches ~ enhanced with Sound Healing ~ to manage your symptoms and move toward resolving trauma.

Evidence-based in decades of clinical trials, Guided Yoga Nidra Restoration Meditation offers non-duality techniques to mindfully “hold your opposites” without being hijacked by the negative or seduced by intellectualized toxic positivity. Mindfulness can enhance present-moment awareness, increase self-compassion, and strengthen our ability to self-regulate—all important skills that support trauma recovery.

But wait, there’s more good news. My Crystal Bowl Sound Healing makes it surprisingly easy to re-establish a sense of awareness, ease, and deep relaxation. Sound Medicine or Frequency Healing is now gaining lots of attention in the medical community. I was offering Sound Healing at UCSF’s Osher Center for Integrative Medicine 15 years ago! First-timers are amazed at how readily they can flip their internal dial to the Parasympathetic Nervous System for a welcomed relief that affords the ability to lay down new neural pathways to the brain releasing the “feel good” hormones of serotonin, endorphins and dopamine.

Dr. Bessel van der Kolk has spoken candidly both in interviews and in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, that in order to release trauma from our body and to regulate our nervous system, we need to teach ourselves to feel safe.

Safety, security, trust, consistency, reliability, protection, boundaries, nurturance, guidance, vulnerability and predictability are all parts of healing the cycle of our trauma. This includes both self-safety (our body, our emotions, our minds, and hearts) and externally in our environment. Trauma doesn’t heal by simply ignoring it, distracting ourselves with sex, relationships or travel, compulsively hitting the gym, constantly over-scheduling, being a workaholic, or tuning out with Netflix or video games. If the damaging effects of trauma on our physical and emotional health come from over-activation of parts of brain, the answer to healing is in calming these over-activated parts of our nervous system.

I have effectively been doing the work of Restorative Yoga Nidra Meditation and Sound Healing with groups and individuals for over 15 years, and as you can see from my client reviews, the protocol I am using is highly accessible and effective.

When gently guided with a Customized Yoga Nidra Meditation using your own words, you will access the whisper of your innate ease and joy that is always present which probably has been drowned out for years by the screaming noise of PTSD symptoms grabbing the mic. And yes, it is all made easier and immensely relaxing with the sweet, powerful and exquisite Sound Medicine of my Crystal Singing Bowls.

The Chakras: An Energetic Map for Integrative Healing

While the chakras may be interpreted by some as “symbolic,” I have found integrating the wisdom of the chakra model to be a powerful healing modality. For many years the chakras have served as a useful map or model for balancing under-active or over-active mental and emotional tendencies within my clients, as well as identifying the physical implications that show up in the body as a result of these imbalances. Visit my Chakras Page to see where you might wish to do some balancing of energy.

Coming into alignment, clearing blockages, and increasing the flow of life force are the lessons of the chakras and vital to my work. The chakra system also encourages us to recognize that we are all part of Nature ~  composed mostly of water, the same stuff of the stars, with a dash of the minerals of Mother Earth upon whom we stand with our heads rising up to the Heavens Above.

Chakras and energy have played a crucial role for thousands of years in ancient Yogic healing and understanding how the body, the mind, emotions, intuition and the spirit interact. 

The word “chakra” means “wheel" and seven of these main chakras are aligned along our spine from the tips of our tailbones, up to the crowns at the top of our heads as conduits of moving life force.  It is a comprehensive and very practical model for holistic healing which I have studied and used in my work with clients for decades. I refer you to my amazing teacher’s work, Anodea Judith, to learn more. 

Western science was a bit late in affirming as scientific fact that all of life is composed of energy! The Ancient Ones were way ahead of them on that.

And now, exciting recent developments in psychology and neuroscience have led to clear and powerful insights about how our brains work and how these neurobiological functions shape our experience of the world and ourselves.These insights are profoundly congruent with the wisdom developed over thousands of years ago in the contemplative Eastern traditions. For an introduction to some basic principles of neuroscience and meditation check out the work of Psychologist and Neuroscientist Rick Hanson, Ph.D.

Visit my Chakras website page here.

Zoom Fatigue is Real

My goal here is not to vilify videoconferencing platforms which I am delighted to use to work with clients all over the world. However, my research into the effects of Zoom confirmed what my clients are experiencing and revealed that hundreds of hours of video meetings over an extended period of time takes its toll on our bodies, emotions, and brains. It is not just the effects of COVID and isolation causing our duress.

The problem with videoconferencing is real. And until video calls update their interfaces, there are small adjustments to the settings you can use. For example, if you find yourself in long meetings, even minimizing the size of faces or having audio-only breaks can help immensely.  You will find more research findings and tips from my esteemed clients below.

Good Vibes from My Zoom Room  

I effectively use Zoom regularly in my private practice and am delighted to connect online not only for individual Integrative Psychotherapy sessions, but also for Crystal Bowl Sound Healings with individuals, couples, and groups. When using a good computer, the Zoom platform has proven surprisingly effective over these past few years in transmitting healing sound vibrations. 

Sound Healing helps to reduce stress and Zoom Fatigue by shifting us to the Parasympathetic Nervous System away from the  "Flight, Fight, Freeze" of the Sympathetic Nervous System. The healing sound vibrations of my high-quality crystal bowls lower the heart and respiratory rate and slow down brain waves for what I like to call "blue sky mind” delivering a dose of equanimity, ease, and mental spaciousness. Sound Healing is an energetic massage for all aspects of our being and when combined with guided meditation my clients report a refreshing, restorative sense of relaxation and welcomed relief. That’s good news.In a future blog I will share other good practices I offer clients using yoga stretches, meditation, hand mudras, Laughter Yoga, and other lifestyle choices to reduce Zoom Fatigue.

Zoom-Fatigued Clients are Saying  

While I have gratefully adapted to using Zoom as a professional tool, unlike my clients, all of whom are leaders in organizational settings, I am able to schedule my Zoom Room offerings with healthy meditation and yoga/stretch breaks in between and am not  subjected to back-to-back meetings all day long. My hard-working clients report varying degrees of symptoms; socially, mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted with throbbing headaches, aching eyeballs, stiff necks, and sleep-deprivation. 

Many say they feel irritable and exhausted after a day of back-to-back zoom meetings and are reluctant to pursue social outings with friends now that things are opening up after COVID lockdown in favor of “time out” alone. But even their private home space feels like it has been invaded by folks from the office! Our home space has become our workplace. 

Staring at themselves on screen all day brings up acute self-criticism affecting self-esteem. Some of my clients turn off the video or opt for old-school phone counseling sessions to get a break from this self-scrutiny.

Business demands and performance objectives certainly have not diminished for staff working online causing cognitive and work overload. Several of my clients have expressed the need to work even more hours a day than ever "to meet performance goals when so much of the day is spent in Zoom meetings.” 

Leaders’ Suggestions for Zoom Meetings: Here are a few tips from my clients, all leaders in organizational settings:

• Shorten your Zoom meetings. There is no rule that meetings must be an hour.

• Schedule “Intermissions” during long meetings to allow for participants to take a 5-minute break. Model healthy behavior by encouraging your team to get some water, stand up, and move around.

• Invite your colleagues and clients to turn off the video for some of your meetings and use audio. Invite them to stretch and stand while participating.

• Schedule fewer Zoom Meetings!

• Arrange for short 1:1 telephone call check-ins for individual contact with clients and co-workers.

• Email colleagues with requests for specific written responses addressing your agenda which you can summarize and share at more effective Zoom Team Meetings.

• Employ Conference Calls with a few team members or clients when the whole gang need not be included.

Current Research

Professor Jeremy Bailenson, founding director of the Stanford University Virtual Human Interaction Lab (VHIL), examined how video conferencing platforms can impact us psychologically.

The new study, published Feb. 23, 2021 in the journal of Technology, Mind, and Behavior, is the first peer-reviewed article that studies “Zoom Fatigue” from a psychological perspective. Moreover, he provides suggestions for consumers and organizations on how to leverage the current features on videoconferences to decrease fatigue.

Hopefully, their evidence-based research and surveys will contribute to uncovering the roots of this problem and help people adapt their videoconference practices. This research could also inform videoconference platform designers to challenge and rethink some of the paradigm videoconferences have been built on.

Four Technical Zoom Tips to Minimize the Impact

1. Minimize the size of faces

Problem: Too much Eye Gaze at a Close Distance. On Zoom calls, everyone is looking at everyone’s face all the time — this is not normal in most meetings around a table. Faces appear larger, and closer than in real life on a screen.Previous studies found anything closer than 60 cm apart is classified as “intimate,” the type of interpersonal distance patterns reserved for families and loved ones. It means one-on-one meetings conducted over Zoom, coworkers, and friends are operating in the interpersonal distance reserved for loved ones.

That makes them feel as if the person you are talking to is standing closer and staying in your personal, intimate space. On top of this fact, the Zoom call is usually taking place in your own home which adds to the imposed feeling of intimacy.

Solution: Professor Bailenson recommends taking Zoom out of the full-screen option, reducing the Zoom window’s size to minimize the face size. Another option is to use an external keyboard for a laptop to increase your space between your body and people’s grid on the screen

2. Hide your self-view

Problem: An all-day mirror. If you walked around looking at yourself in a mirror, Bailensen suggests, you would drive yourself crazy. You are more critical of yourself when you look in a mirror. The sight of yourself on the screen all day brings up highly negative emotions.

Solution: Bailenson recommends hiding the “self-view” button, which you can access by right-clicking your photo once you see your face is framed correctly in the video call

3. Turn off your video periodically

Problem: Cognitive overload. The camera on your computer has a fixed field of view, meaning you are stuck in one smaller spot. This is not natural, and focusing on a limited space is a drain on your energy. It’s been found when people move around; they perform better cognitively.

Solution: Bailenson recommends a good ground rule to set for groups to give themselves a brief nonverbal rest: Turn the video off periodically during meetings. If you can, put an external camera farther away from the screen, you can then pace and draw in virtual meetings just like in real ones.

4. Turn your body away from the screen and move around on audio-only breaks

Problem: Reduced mobility. We work a lot harder at understanding non-verbal cues when talking on video calls. We are missing natural hand gestures and emotions, which help with communication. When a person looks off-screen — are they looking at their child coming into the room, or are they signaling to the person next to them on the call? Audio reduces this natural human response to visual cues.

Solution: Give yourself an “audio-only” break, especially in long stretches of meeting. “This is not simply you turning off your camera to take a break from having to be nonverbally active, but also turning your body away from the screen,” Bailenson said, “so that for a few minutes, you are not smothered with gestures that are perceptually realistic but socially meaningless.”

Recovery from a Narcissist Parent

Several of my counseling clients are bright women with big, successful careers. They are amazing! But despite their outer success, they continually struggle with the inner anxiety of "not being enough", fear conflict with colleagues, over-work, have low self-esteem and aspire to be perfect. And, yes, they are working with me to recover from the effects of a Narcissist Family Dynamic.

Exploring and bringing into awareness my clients' family dynamics with helpful and practical tools in re-aligning their current life is the first step. I am not talking about Psychoanalysis twice a week for life. I am addressing the fact that thousands and thousands of us were parented by Narcissists and are clueless about how that might be affecting us as adults in the "now of our lives." I know this from personal experience as I have been through it.

My clients had never considered that their mother may a Narcissist. It certainly never comes up in family discussions. They often think their Narcissist father was just "behaving like a man of his day." So, reading the articles I send them really helps to provide an intellectual understanding before the deeper dive into their lives. The male-dominated psychological literature would have us believe that only grandiose men are Narcissists. Not true. Mothers can be Narcissists too. Growing up in a Narcissistic Family Dynamic requires different roles for each family member to play. Becoming aware of the role you played, and that you might still be continuing to play, is necessary to revising how to responding differently.

When a successful adult woman is battling perfectionist tendencies, it’s usually based on her family of upbringing, and what was expected of her growing up. She has probably internalized her self-value paired with her achievements.
Thus, personal value is based on external validation. Beware! This can make her prime bait for a repeat round with a charming (and demeaning) variety of Narcissist as a best friend or partner. Or selecting friends and partners not worthy of her.

What is a Narcissist? Anyone who engages in behaviors that tilt on the extreme end of self-preservation, self-interest, high self-regard, and self-involvement, to the extent that the basic needs, wants, opinions, or feelings of others (even their children or partners) are ignored or neglected or invalidated, is probably a Narcissist. Also, If their behavior is habitual, chronic, affects the quality of their relationships, and is overcompensating for low self-worth and feelings of inadequacy based on unmet needs, abuse, neglect and the wounds from childhood.
However, Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is an impairment in personality functioning, including a set of specific behaviors and traits that are long-standing, affect the quality of a person’s life, and are damaging to their sense of sense-identity and feelings of self-worth. To be diagnosed with NPD, a person must meet at least 5 of 9 of the specific traits/behaviors in the DSM-V manual. Just as no two people are the same, no two Narcissists can be diagnosed as the same and there are different kinds of Narcissists.

Narcissists Need To Correct Others. But let's get back to some of the effects my adult women clients are sorting out. When we are children, we do not know the difference between parenting and guiding a child, versus over-correcting, constantly criticizing them, using them and shaming them. Micromanaging children’s lives, what they wear and how they appear to the outside world is often a Narcissistic Mother’s style. She is not interested in the child’s perspective as much as how the child (especially daughters) reflect on her. Fathers who are Narcissists usually want the household to revolve around them and their needs, insist that their kids to get straight A’s and are “winners.” Or maybe they just ignore them. "Don't bother your father." may have been the wife's plea as daughters witnessed their mother's constant effort to please. The compulsion to always expect more from their kids or to ignore them in favor of their own pursuits is a simplified overview of Narcissist parenting. That, and Narcissists are completely lacking in empathy. They do not seek to understand and do not care about any one else as much as they are guarding their own image. Children of Narcissists are told to "Toughen up" or "Get a grip" or "Don't be so sensitive." or "Stop being such a cry baby." Or they are ignored. No wonder adult daughters of Narcissists are reluctant to speak their truth!

A Narcissist parent may go overboard to “help” you, while in their minds they believe they are doing the “best” thing for you without asking what you really want or need. Their motive is not in your best interests, but theirs. They may offer you help with a business venture, only to brag to others that you could not have done it without them. You may pay your own way through college or succeed upon your own merit, and they still say you have them to thank.

Fast-forward into adult women's lives who were reared by a narcissistic caregiver with a compulsion to overly-correct them, not allow them a voice, and never validated them ~ Is it any surprise that they can now find themselves being further bullied by lovers, friends, partners or coworkers, who try to correct them at every turn, offer advice, take advantage of their work ethic, and further damage their sense of self-worth? If the little girl did not learn how to separate her own personal value from the toxicity in her life she will truly struggle as an adult to establish boundaries and be able to advocate for herself and her worth.

Narcissists Need To Be In Control. As a way of maintaining control, Narcissistic behaviors may come across as the person orchestrating how everyone “should” act, or how things “should” be. Appearances are important and what goes on behind closed family doors is kept there. Or, they may flip it and try to control the family by playing a victim. Dad may remind you of his sad and wounding childhood and how much he works. Many daughters are called into duty as “little mothers” and constant household helpers when their Narcissist mother is frequently “indisposed” from "all she does for you." Daughters may frequently be reminded of their looks and body and not in a supportive way. Food portions may be controlled causing eating disorders and body-image issues. Clothing may have been selected for her, not of her choice.

​Narcissists Are Addicted to Appearing Perfect. Narcissists usually were badly wounded in childhood. They struggled to adopt outer appearances of perfection to get some loving attention or to avoid abusively harsh reprimands at home and out in the world. So from this place of "play-acting perfection" is how they parented their own kids. They rarely, if ever, seek therapy or change. After all, nothing is wrong with them~ everyone else needs to change! So, daughters of Narcissists try their best to be perfect and the Narcissist parent continues to feel entitled and ignore her feelings.

Guiding clients on the journey back to their essential true nature, self-love, self-compassion, different life choices, stronger boundaries, and self-empowerment is the healing work I truly love. It is not too late for Adult Children of Narcissists to do the healing work of reclaiming our true nature and self-empowerment. In fact, the time is now.